Not My Type

Posted: July 17, 2015 in MEXY-DOO'S DIARY
Tags: , , , ,

“You are not my type”

I wanted to tell her that.

when she came into the restaurant

with her eyes continually meeting mine

the winks and odd facial expressions,

telling the waiter she would have whatever I was having.

I wanted to watch the resentment

rise on her face like a rose

as she goes on the defensive

from my apparent snub.

I want to listen to her

hear her say it wasn’t me,

pure coincidence,

or give me a feminist lecture.

I want to see the look on her face

as I pull my seat aside,

step around the table,

and tell her to give me her best shot.

I want to cut her short in the middle of her speech,

stop her in her tracks,

as she denies she wasn’t thinking of ways to send her number

but I want to reduce her disappointment

to keep her broken heart safe.

I want to pick her back up

and advise her on how to attract guys

how to get our attention without looking desperate,

explain why you always never go 100%,

explain that I taught my sister these things too

because it tends to reduce your value

and you don’t want to sell yourself so cheap.

I want to see

the look on her face

when I explain that this

is how to leave a message without making a mess.

And I want to tell her

how I don’t want her to listen

to any of this.

I want to tell her

how I think the way she attracts guys is beautiful,

that she is a go-getter and it’s a rare quality,

that she cares less of the norm or what people would say

as she puts everything she is,

her whole heart

into getting the person she wants

But I tell her anyway
so she’s able to protect herself
while protecting herself.

I said none of this,
of course.

Because I do not know her very well,
and my guys
would not look kindly
on me teaching a girl
how to protect herself from guys
it was against the bro code.

And I wonder if she even needed my help,
if she was already strong enough,
tough enough,
to protect herself already.

And I wonder if she would appreciate my help,
despite my hardness,
because it means someone cares,
and is trying to take care of her.

So I said none of this.

Because it was all in my head,

a figment of my dreamy imagination

the exact opposite.

So I sat there, still staring, wishing,

with the pen and paper,

as the girl of my dreams walked out with her girlfriends,

my heart breaking with each and every step.



  1. Ada.O says:

    a thought provoking piece!!!


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