Not My Type

Posted: July 17, 2015 in MEXY-DOO'S DIARY
Tags: , , , ,

“You are not my type”

I wanted to tell her that.

when she came into the restaurant

with her eyes continually meeting mine

the winks and odd facial expressions,

telling the waiter she would have whatever I was having.

I wanted to watch the resentment

rise on her face like a rose

as she goes on the defensive

from my apparent snub.

I want to listen to her

hear her say it wasn’t me,

pure coincidence,

or give me a feminist lecture.

I want to see the look on her face

as I pull my seat aside,

step around the table,

and tell her to give me her best shot.

I want to cut her short in the middle of her speech,

stop her in her tracks,

as she denies she wasn’t thinking of ways to send her number

but I want to reduce her disappointment

to keep her broken heart safe.

I want to pick her back up

and advise her on how to attract guys

how to get our attention without looking desperate,

explain why you always never go 100%,

explain that I taught my sister these things too

because it tends to reduce your value

and you don’t want to sell yourself so cheap.

I want to see

the look on her face

when I explain that this

is how to leave a message without making a mess.

And I want to tell her

how I don’t want her to listen

to any of this.

I want to tell her

how I think the way she attracts guys is beautiful,

that she is a go-getter and it’s a rare quality,

that she cares less of the norm or what people would say

as she puts everything she is,

her whole heart

into getting the person she wants

But I tell her anyway
so she’s able to protect herself
while protecting herself.

I said none of this,
of course.

Because I do not know her very well,
and my guys
would not look kindly
on me teaching a girl
how to protect herself from guys
it was against the bro code.

And I wonder if she even needed my help,
if she was already strong enough,
tough enough,
to protect herself already.

And I wonder if she would appreciate my help,
despite my hardness,
because it means someone cares,
and is trying to take care of her.

So I said none of this.

Because it was all in my head,

a figment of my dreamy imagination

the exact opposite.

So I sat there, still staring, wishing,

with the pen and paper,

as the girl of my dreams walked out with her girlfriends,

my heart breaking with each and every step.

-MEXYDOO

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

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Comments
  1. Ada.O says:

    a thought provoking piece!!!

    Like

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